Here's Your Sign

Some of you may be familiar with the Blue Collar Comedian Bill Engvall who has a routine about stupid people. The whole idea behind his idea is that when people ask you a dumb question you can just hand them a sign that says “I'm stupid.” 

No matter where I go people look at my truck tags and ask me “You from Colorado?” I want to say “Nope, I just like the color of their tags.” Here's your sign. 

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On the border

Having taken a winding path southward this winter, I have finally arrived at South Padre Island, Texas just in time for spring break.  

Those of you who have been subjected to such antics will most assuredly tell Ol' Dutch to “run for the hills.” But the fishing is getting good and even the thought of scantily clad people of the female persuasion cannot drive me from the beach. Ol' Dutch will endure somehow.

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One Man's Junk is Another's Treasures

No matter where you go there is a phenomena that latches onto every person no matter creed or color. It’s known as “having stuff.” 

A drive through any subdivision on a Saturday morning shows you exactly what happens to the person who is not aggressive in their sorting and tossing. Soon the garage is filled to capacity and running out the door sometimes necessitating the need for a storage unit at the local facility.

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Butt Dialing

Some of you are of the age that you can actually remember what a rotary dial phones. For those of you too young for such mechanical dinosaurs, it consisted of a dial on top of a black box that made a nice clickity-clack sound with each number you dialed. Think the movie poster for Alfred Hitchcock’s Dial M for Murder. Oh, wait, you are probably too young for that, too.

If your finger slipped off or you made an error while using a rotary phone, you had to hang up and start all over again. Somehow in the dark recesses of a rusty mind I recall our number when I was a kid. It was Gladstone 359. So you dialed GL359 to reach us. 

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Ebola Coming and You Better Stay Home

Sometimes things happen in life and either you learn to laugh at the ridiculous or fall into utter despair at the impossibilities we face. I think the Dallas Ebola outbreak is just such a time.

While it’s a horrible threat to the entire world and may be the ultimate pandemic in the end, the media’s response borders from absolute stupidity to insanity.

I got a Facebook post that shows a man in a lab coat and it says “How come all the Zombie movies always start with a man in a lab coat assuring us things are under control?”

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A Visit to the Chop Shop

A recent visit to the doctor set me up for some unpleasant tests and procedures that I was in no mood to go through. I don't know how doctors do it but it’s like one of those women who always discover projects urgently needed at the start of hunting or fishing season.

Perhaps it was a left-wing conspiracy to keep me from hunting or something like that.

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Reducing Tonnage

Many of you are probably unaware that Ol' Dutch  has quite a storied past. Not only has he been West and “seen the elephant,” but for some time he worked for the railroad.

That fact often conjures visions of western vistas, bright shining days and the sound of a lonesome whistle on a distant locomotive wailing its movement across an endless landscape for folks. The reality of that job is long, lonely shifts riding endless rails, sleeping in dirty motels, eating bad food in nasty diners and having no sleep.

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Changing Commitments

Our fast-paced, constantly changing world requires adaptation on a daily basis. This was not always the case as there was a time when life was a lot simpler. My folks only had one car and lived in a small frame house just like most of the neighbors.

To survive today, a person must be more flexible with both personal and social happenings. This causes a real problem for us men as we don't mind the change but keeping track of it becomes an issue.

Just when a man gets comfortable with things as they are, they change it.

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