Losing your memory

/

If you hang around this world long enough you will find that the old brain box doesn't seem to operate quite the same as when you were younger. Creaking gears and grinding sounds emanate from your head when faced with the simplest of things.

This can start quite early if you have a number of children as you will catch yourself going down the list of their names when the time comes to discipline just one of them.

This makes you look like an idiot to your children as you say “Billy, um..Donny, er ..JIMMY quit doing that.”

I am here to tell all of you younger folks that it only gets worse with age. Finding a set of keys or your cellphone becomes a normal day’s chore even if they are in your pocket or in your hand at the time you are looking.

The first time I knew that I was in trouble was when I was talking to my son on the phone while gathering my things before leaving for church. One thing, though, eluded me. I told him “I can't find my damn phone.” To which he said “DAD, you are talking on it.” And to my amazement, I was.

Those of you who are afflicted with this dread disease called “old age” will relate to these problems and I am here to tell you that even though it is prevalent among seniors you probably don't have anything to worry about.

In an age where we live to advanced years, the rise of Alzheimer’s leaves us all in some fear of ending up with those symptoms.

A doctor in the family told my dad the other day not to worry too much about forgetting where your keys were as long as when you eventually find them, you know what to do with them. It’s the finding them and sticking them in the blender that should cause worry.

With the advent of the cellphone and more particularly the “smart” phone there is a plethora of applications that you can download and games that you can play.

One that I enjoy is online Scrabble and a daily contest of skills with both friends and strangers tests Ol' Dutch's mettle. I like to think I am pretty good at it as I win most of the time but then again, maybe I just have some easy opponents?

Try as I may, I cannot get Trixie to play that game with me and I guess she is afraid that Ol' Dutch will show her up thereby gaining the upper hand in our relationship. I had even thought about investing in a Scrabble game to use on the kitchen table so I could whip up on Trixie every day or two in person.

I have noticed that when I open up a game of Scrabble that I am involved in the board looks totally new to me. This gave me an idea. Why waste so much time playing against other people and having to wait on them to respond in turn when I could maybe just play against myself.

Those of you who watched the I Love Lucy Show may recall the time she was in court and was her own lawyer. She would bounce back and forth from the witness chair to questioning herself in third person.

So if you see Ol' Dutch playing a board game and changing chairs every turn you will know that he has given up on Trixie and has decided to play against himself.

One thing about it. I can't seem to recall the moves from the previous turn so it will be an even match.

Read More

Being sick can make you sick

/

Unlike most people nowadays, I don’t watch much television as we don't have cable to peruse the standard 415 channels. Earlier in my life, I was one of the swells and I can still recall how my entire evening was taken up with changing channels to try and find something to watch – all to no avail.

At many of the places Trixie and I travel, though, a few channels come in over the antenna. She gets her football, awards show and American Idol type stuff and Ol’ Dutch gets an evening of Internet surfing. Since I can’t hear a thing off the TV, I am perfectly content looking for sausage stuffers, new boots, decoys and fishing boats on eBay while she hollywoods herself into oblivion.

Back in the day, watching television was safe from being presented with people’s personal problems as all we saw on there were ads for Milk of Magnesia and Doan’s Backache Pills. Now, as far as I can tell, the only ads that run on her shows are for everything from male impotence to diabetes to feminine products which most of us really don't need to see, especially during dinner.

How you ever noticed the length of the disclaimers that come along with all these ads? A typical one for a new drug will read something like this:

“Ask your doctor if Smiley Pills are right for you. Side effects of Hexaprotzylanpricknaprine are uncommon but may include vomiting, heart attacks, explosive diarrhea, vaginal discharge, varicose veins, heart murmurs, gender reassignment, hemorrhoids, sugar highs and lows, vomiting, life threatening rash, depression, allergies, high instep, back pain, front pain, headaches, ED, loss of appetite, increased appetite, liver failure, pancreatic cancer, lung collapse, foaming at the mouth, divorce, bankruptcy, bad decision making, hair growth on your palms, poor hunting success and death.”

Heck, I don't know why people even delay in going right to the doctor and signing up? But we see it every day with more and more drugs on the market and more and more people willing to shell out their hard earned money to “try” them.

And that’s exactly what Big Pharma wants you to do. They spend $4.5 Billion dollars in advertising each year so that you will ask your doctor to prescribe this miracle drug or that one regardless of the consequences.

One time I asked my doctor friend why so many people don't get well and he had to admit it was a “medical practice” and not to be confused with “medical perfection.”

If a drug company tells you that their product does this or that, then you should at least have the expectation that it might work almost like they said it would, right? And, if not, we should return it and get our money back. Too bad Sam Walton didn’t establish a pharmaceutical company, he’d made sure that we customers were satisfied or our money back.

One thing they never seem to advertise is drugs that have a side effect of weight loss. Now there is a side effect I could sign up for and most of America would be at your doorstep even if they didn't have any symptoms except of being fat.

My mother always said, “You can never be too skinny or too rich.” Never having been either one of these I have to agree but not sure I want to endure being sick to find out.

Too Fat to Fly

/

Two years ago when Trixie and I were in the beginning throes of our harmonious adventure, we took an ATV ride up to a high mountain meadow.

On this particular trip we were alone and for once Ol' Dutch could sneak a kiss out of sight of her ever-present-mother who thought her 47-year-old daughter still too young to date.

Driving into the meadow we saw an eagle on the ground and were able to drive within 5 feet of it. Now Trixie is the sort that rescues poor animals in distress and some people would say that's how she ended up with Ol' Dutch. But that’s a story for another day.

Read More