This week finds most of us watching the Olympic Games being held in Sochi, Russia. For those of you who don't know where that is, it is at the proverbial end of the earth – or, at least, you can see it from there.
While the media does its best to concentrate on the athletes, the real news out of that area is the number of empty seats in the Olympic venues, non-working toilets, athletes having to smash through doors and packs of roaming dogs.
Even in the midst of difficulties, the Olympic Games go on and athletes from across the globe have gathered to try and win a medal, instant fame and a lifetime supply of Wheaties cereal.
I am not a big fan of the Winter Olympics , but Trixie, being an avid snowboarder, is hooked on snow sports. Which means, “we” watch it every night. I am not sure how “we” even fit together as I abhor cold weather and snow and would rather take a beating than be out in it.
It is interesting to note how people talk about sporting events they watch. The games and competitions take on a personal note and people often say “we won” or “we aren't doing so good this year” when talking about the teams they love.
To hear people talk, you would think they are personally playing for the team and the presence of team jerseys in the crowd makes me wonder if some of them think that at any moment, Jerry Jones or “Bear” Bryant is going to call one of them in to replace a wounded warrior. Of course, if you’re called in by Coach Bryant, you’ll be playing in that great football stadium in the sky.
There’s a story about a baseball player who asked his pastor to find out if there is baseball in heaven. The pastor came back and said, “I have good news and bad news. The good news is, yes there is baseball in heaven. The bad news is you are pitching this afternoon.”
For most of us, the only physical activity surrounding televised sporting events is getting up out of our chairs and fetching another drink or snack. The lucky man has a wife or girlfriend who is willing to do these chores, thereby leaving him to root for his team uninterrupted and giving the team what is called, “an edge.”
With the advent of cable television, men began to watch more and more sports and do less and less work around the house, too. There are studies which suggest that just by watching sporting events, certain endorphins are released in the male brain giving us pleasure.
I guess that explains why some men are planted in front of their TVs – even when it is hunting season or a good day for fishing.
One downside to being a hunter, though, is that your wife knows the EXACT day season begins or ends. So, she plots her “honey do” list against the calendar when you have no legitimate excuse to delay taking action.
It’s a different matter when dealing with a sports nuts. These poor ladies never seem to get a break. Their guys move from football to basketball to golf and baseball almost seamlessly with no breaks.
This is the reason there are so many divorces these days as women have nothing good to look forward to. With continuous sports on television, the likelihood of a leaky faucet being fixed in this millennium is slim to none. And we know that repairs and plumbers putty is what holds a marriage together.
For a while, ol’ Dutch was a prisoner to women needing repairs as they knew the exact day each hunting season began and ended. So I had to take action and somehow fill that void without having to actually watch sports on television.
Watching late night television I came across an old movie “The Great Escape. This is a movie about WWII prisoners escaping from a German concentration camp. Instantly I devised a plan that didn't involve the horrendous job of digging a tunnel. I bought an RV and headed to climes far away from honey-do lists.
Most guys can't just up and leave without causing a further uproar on the homefront so it appears there are two options. Either grab a wrench between seasons or buy the sports cable package and learn to love every kind of sports show. The latter will cost you some money but think of how much you will save on doctor and chiropractor bills from accidents while working on your house.
Who would have ever guessed that Bowling for Dollars would save you from a blown Saturday slaving away on some project?