Trophy Wives

The subject of trophy wives is nothing new especially in the world of Hollywood, sporting personalities and men with considerable money. This is not to say that a woman can't have a similar love interest but in that case it’s called a boy toy. As Trixie reminds me, though, women with money generally do not want nor need a man as peace and quiet are their main goals.

Men on the other hand look at a young gorgeous woman on their arm as another measure of success just like acquiring a business, football franchise, or some other unreachable goal to the rest of us slugs. The younger woman matches their success and the men can brag about how virile they must be to have someone so young.

Take when Anna Nicole Smith married 90-year-old J. Howard Marshall II. It's was like having a peach and a prune together. Something just doesn't fit.

Of course, Trixie in her infinite wisdom and positive attitude is quick to disagree saying “Who knows, Dutch, it may be true love?” If I dare to counter that it’s all due to the money involved she then points out that she is with me and that sure isn't the reason why.

Ol' Dutch knows the reason Trixie is with me as there just isn't anyone quite like me in the whole wide world with my handsome face, super personality, winning smile and witty sayings. Well, something like that, anyway.

Which brings me back to the subject matter of this column: trophy wives. As I travel through RV parks, most of my fellow travelers are lifetime partners, comfortable in their misery or whatever it is they are in. For the rest with younger wives, though, those wives certainly didn’t win first place in any contest.

This fall, I met a different couple hailing from my home state of Kansas.

When you are from Kansas you look on any opportunity to meet another Kansan as golden as it takes hardy folks to put up with that climate, terrain and loneliness.

Clint Eastwood had a quote in “The Outlaw Josey Wales” that Kansas has three kinds of suns: “sunflowers, sundowns and sons a b----,” well you get my drift.

So anyway, this couple I met had a large farm in Western Kansas. He was older than she and I could tell that the rooster didn't rule the roost in that chicken coop. We were talking about hunting and he said he used to hunt until he married her.

Now any man that would let his woman ruin his hunting adventures which are a true extension of our manhood dating to Cro-Magnon days is not worth his salt in my book. I could not understand why a man with wealth and health would allow his wife to dictate his activities and said so to Trixie. She was then fast to point out that the farm belonged to the wife and her family had farmed it for generations. Guess that was a different type of trophy wife after all.

When I was more single than I am now, I longed to meet and marry a rich woman with a ranch and piddle away my life hunting and fishing on the range. But the more rich ones I met the more I was able to understand that there is a cost to every transaction including marrying well. Ol' Dutch doesn’t have that much time left in life to give up the very important things if life: hunting and fishing.

One younger (and not wealthy) gal I dated made it clear after a month of our dating that she fully expected us to marry and on our wedding day half of what I had immediately became hers. She was pretty and she was pretty nice but Dutch got in his truck and drove the 600 miles home in the middle of the night never to see that blonde bimbo again.

A single friend came by to talk the other night. He was having similar problems with his lady friend wanting to have a solid commitment on where their relationship is headed. I gave him the best advice I can give any confirmed bachelor: “Run!”

There are definite benefits to being married like your wife won't up and leave you generally for some stupid mistake. Trixie, on the other hand, can leave on a moment’s notice and so it makes life a lot more exciting for Ol' Dutch.

There is power in knowing someone is with you because they want to be not because they are stuck, though. And, she never complains about my wanton expenditures in pursuit of hunting and fishing adventures which makes me a real king in my own castle. Now, if only I could convince her to buy a large mountain ranch. Life would be perfect.