Having exhausted my milk supply, Trixie and I headed up to a local gourmet store to get some more. Entering the store, a glazed look came over Trixie's face as she saw the most wondrous display of delicacies since leaving California and she disappeared like Black Beard on a treasure hunt.
Left to my own devices, I went to find what I came for, thereby reaffirming the notion that men go to buy and women to shop. Being a man, I had to ask a young clerk where I would find the milk, to which she replied, “What kind of milk do you want?”
I could not imagine what she was talking about. I just wanted the standard White Moo Cow Milk. She led me to the dairy case where my senses were overwhelmed by what I saw.
First you have the whole milk that we got as kids. You recall the little cartons of delicious frothy goodness that gave us strong bones and teeth? Now that was real milk unlike the 2 percent, 1 percent, and 0 percent found now. These are just whole milk cut with water until you can read a newspaper through it. But in our pursuit of immortality and thinness, we try and get the one with the least amount of calories to have with our chocolate cake and cookies.
I soon found a menagerie of milk in dairy cases previously unknown to me. There is Acidophilus milk which has had “bacteria added to it, giving it a tangy thickened texture.” Now that's an appetizing description if ever I heard one. Ugh.
Moving on down the shelf I found goats milk which I can understand but there right next to it like a crazy cousin from Arkansas was Soy Milk, Pecan Milk, Rice, Quinoa, Almond Milk, Tru Moo, lactose free, Carb Master, DHA Omega 3, Coconut, Strawberry, Good belly pro biotic and of course Chocolate.
I stood there in shocked amazement because unless soybeans, pecans, almonds and rice have grown teats and pink cows have been genetically created, there is something very wrong here.
It is no wonder our society is confused about food. Not too long ago, I was listening to talk radio discussing farmers in the US. One woman caller said that she doesn't get any of her food from a farmer; it all comes from a grocery store. Such is the position we find ourselves in where people really don't know what hamburger is or that milk comes from a cow.
Needing a few eggs, I found another shocking discovery. Not only are there standard white eggs that exit a chicken's behind but also cage free, grain fed, brown, omega 3 eggs, liquid eggs in a carton, egg replacements and powdered eggs.
The cooking oil section is another where confusion reigns. I am familiar with the old standby Vegetable oil but now I see Canola which I hope is not anything connected to canoodling.
There was also virgin, extra-virgin, robusto, fragrant, pure, light, extra light, California or Italian virgin, hazelnut, macadamia nut, blended, sunflower, peanut, shortening, lard, cottonseed, corn oil, can, sticks, spray, tub, bottle, barrel and plastic pouch enclosures.
The extra-virgin olive oil has me stupefied for sure as I can't for the life of me figure out how much more you can be than just plain virgin. And the difference between a California virgin and Italian virgin totally escapes this man's mind.
Trixie of course, well-schooled in the finer things in life, was quick to point out the different tastes between the two but to a craggy old mountain man who cooks fish over a campfire, the lesson was lost on me.
I get corn chips, potato chips and even cow chips but banana chips, apple chips and all the other assortment of processed foods made available to us so we don't have to actually eat the real thing is amazing. And rice cakes. You might as well eat Styrofoam packing peanuts.
With all the innovations in producing food from non-food sources, it really does give new light on which came first. The chicken or the egg.
So as you peruse the aisles of your local grocery, take the time to really look at what is available there. It’s remarkable what “fake food” you’ll find there. Start a trend and refuse to be drawn into the whirlwind of politically correct eating and support your local cow and chicken as they strive to provide you with goodness that you can depend on.
A new update on Beaver Creek Reservoir indicates that Colorado Parks and Wildlife has opened the lake to public fish salvage. Please follow all rules and regulations in effect for this operation and get out there and fill up your freezer with delicious trout and salmon.