The sky is falling

It seems like every morning, there is another tragedy or disaster either occurring or on the horizon.

Ol’ Dutch used to worry about such things and even though a good conspiracy theory still gets my blood to moving, the end of the world looming does not catch my attention anymore.

Ever since time immemorial, man has looked for the end of the world to come which pretty much shows us that man has always been tired of the struggle of everyday life. And the Bible particularly sends pretty alarming news bites about such a time to come and a lot of people seem to be looking for that day.

That foretold event has always been great way to raise funds for television preachers, freeze-dried food manufactures and prepper suppliers not to mention Cold War bomb shelters.

If you are not aware of the impending doom and gloom then you join Miss Trixie in having a positive outlook on life. I am not sure how you managed to steer clear of the roving snake oil salesmen, but hurrah for you.

Ol’ Dutch, on the other hand, does like to follow along and see what the next foretold disaster is going to be. However, I am getting a tad jaded waiting for them to occur.

I mean who among us hasn’t grown tired of waiting for California to slide off into the ocean? Depending on your point of view, they have been threatening or promising that for my entire 63 years. Yet there it remains -- full of fruits and nuts. And the produce ain’t bad either.

Ol’ Dutch does get a bit confused by the TV preachers who hawk all kinds of survival gear and food however as they are supposed to be trusting God in some manner or other. And they all promote maintaining an arsenal to protect the food you sock away like a chipmunk expecting winter. I am pretty sure that Jesus would not take up an AR-15 and shoot someone over some dried milk and hydrogen-preserved peaches.

I don’t know what I would do if faced with an angry mob wanting my food but I do remember when I was a little boy, my father fast Freddy bare-handed faced down a hungry bear in Yellowstone who was intent on grabbing our lunch. I learned then and there not to come between him and his viddles.

I think that sitting in a bunker eating while my neighbors are starving may be be a fast ticket to the eternal fire anyway so I think I will pass. That fire is said to be hotter than some measly atom bomb so I would like to avoid that one if at all possible.

Having read about nuclear war, EMP bomb explosions, earthquakes that split the USA in half, biological pandemics, famines, nuclear winters and every manner of slow death you can imagine, Ol’ Dutch is making his own preparations for just such a day.

While perusing the Internet, Ol’ Dutch found some cheap white and red paint and I plan to paint a huge bulls-eye on my camper roof.

That way if something happens Ol’ Dutch gets a nuke right on the old noggin and is the first to go, thereby saving all that pain and suffering. And it saves Miss Trixie from all that whining that I would do during those cold nuclear nights.

(Upon reading that paragraph, she had a rare religious moment and gave a hardy “Amen.”)

Ol’ Dutch came to terms with his own death many years ago and when I sit and look out at the stars at night I cannot help but think that the God who made all that can surely take care of the end as well and if he cannot, then he must not be much of a God after all.

Most of us don’t even want to spend a night camping unless it’s at the Holiday Inn let alone trying to survive the sky falling. Imagine laying around in some dark cellar with no showers, no toilets, no hot water, no vegetables or milk, no phones, no gas for your car surviving on freeze dried cookies.

And that, my friends, is why I have decided to go out in the first wave. Because without milk what is the use of having freeze-dried cookies?