Nimrod of the Plains

For the unchurched folks out there Nimrod was a man in the Bible. He was a great grandson to Noah, who himself was said to have built a big boat of some kind and could only count to two.

The Bible and historical documents are pretty clear about old Nimrod that he was an evil man but he was said to be a mighty hunter. Some interpret that to mean a hunter of men's souls as he was so evil but I tend to believe he was a savvy pursuer of game and fish.

Recently Ol' Dutch and Miss Trixie took a trip up to Kansas to take in a little deer hunting and practice his Nimrod skills. We were lucky enough to have an invite from my dad, Preacher Man Freddy and my mother Glamorous Glenda. So that saved us a lot of expense by not having to tow the Conestoga and you all know how tight Ol' Dutch is.

And it didn't take Ol' Dutch long to get into the swing of things and soon we were up to our ears in cutting meat for the year ahead. Trixie has decided that we eat only what we harvest and so Ol' Dutch is constantly under pressure to produce a bountiful supply from afield.

Now for most of you hunters out there this may seem to be the path to Nirvana having a woman that “wants” you to hunt and fish and for sure I can say that I am truly “living the dream” as I get to do as much of that as I want. But providing and butchering meat for the table means production and “production” is a fancy word for work.

Jerry Clower who was a funny old homespun comedian once said, “too much of anything ain't good.” And I have often thought about that and think that maybe Jerry was so old to have forgotten his wedding night.

But regardless there is a limit to everything in some manner or another and I came close to crossing that line this week with Miss Trixie.

I had very generously taken her along for this adventure. Every morning we would get up before dawn to go deer hunting. We would stroll through some tall grass and weeds outfitted in the latest orange hunter vest and gingerly walked our way up a frozen creek. I even took her to the Pizza Hut in a small town nearby which, by reputation was overrun with deer. Now, what woman wouldn’t love being on this romantic getaway with me?

All in all she was a good sport and fun to have along until Sunday when I may have pushed the limits of her good nature. We went out before daylight as usual so she could wax poetic about the beautiful sunrise over a nice blue Kansas lake. By 8:30 a.m. it was evident no deer were moving, so I told her we would go back to my Dad's house and have breakfast.

As luck would have it, Ol' Eagle Eye Dutch spotted a doe deer in a field of tall grass and as I stopped to point her out to Trixie, the doe took off and ran up a canyon followed by a huge buck deer.

Well, breakfast was soon forgotten and a long walk and stalk later Ol' Dutch had him a nice buck on the ground pretty as a picture. Well, dead, but pretty. All 250 pounds. At the bottom of a canyon.

For the next 2 ½ hours, Miss Trixie and Ol’ Dutch pulled, pushed, implored and beseeched that monster buck up the side of that canyon and then across a long field of thick grass and bushes. Apparently a three-quarter mile drag of a big buck is about one-quarter mile beyond where Miss Trixie’s good nature and her body want to take her.

But we got it out finally, luckily saving all the meat for our freezer. Other than having to hear about her sore back all the time, all is well. So it appears I may have found the perfect woman. Now if I can only convince her to share her money with Ol' Dutch and we would be truly in Nirvana.