Four Wheelin' in a Rice Burner

A few weeks ago, I attended an auction for a youth camp near South Fork and, as it happens, in an area where my friends own some property.

Ol' Dutch told them about the auction and the resulting sales price, so they decided that a trip up the mountain to inspect their proximity to the place was in order. They invited Trixie and me to tag along in their Prius.

For those of you who are not familiar with this vehicle, let’s just say it’s a cross between a lawnmower and a toy electric car. And, after this experience, I now believe a way for the Japanese to get revenge on us for their defeat in WWII.

These cars are one amazing show of man's ingenuity as they run part time on electricity, part time on a chain saw motor and get 50 miles per gallon.

Our friends love driving hybrid cars and that's okay with me. But on this short side trip up the mountain to view their property, I soon found out why they get that kind of mileage.

As we turned onto a winding, craggy, rocky, mountain goat kind of road, the wife, let’s call her Miss Candy because she’s that sweet, screeched out something about it “not being a road” and “stop” but the driver, ever in pursuit of manhood, plowed ahead, tires spinning, rocks bouncing and up the hill we went --- almost.

Just shy of the top of the hill the little car decided that was about all the rabbit power it had and we stalled out. There we sat on a 45 degree slope with balding tires and a death grip on the door handles. The driver, let’s call him “Si” because he looks like Uncle Si on Duck Dynasty, then began to back DOWN the hill using the camera on the dash and soon we found ourselves hanging precariously over a cliff.

Now Ol' Dutch is pretty brave and would have stayed in the car if it wasn't for Cooper being in there so I exited to save his life.

Miss Candy and Trixie followed suit but Si pulled out his man card and proceeded to attempt to exit himself from the situation. I looked over to check on Cooper being held by Miss Candy and they both had their eyes covered.

Their fear was understandable. Precarious would not even begin to describe the situation as the car soon sat with the two uphill wheels off the ground and spinning. I was sure that the car was going to tip and start rolling down the hill which would have added exciting inches to this column.

Miss Candy asked if insurance would cover just such an event, and being assured that it would, her worries seemed to abate.

Thinking quickly, Trixie and I put our weight on the uphill side of the car to stop it from tipping over. Trixie got on the front and I handled the back so Si could slowly edge onto the goat track of a road. He then extricated himself with utmost skill, otherwise known as “luck.”

Not to be defeated or ridiculed, Si took off uphill once again and this time he made it up the incline sans passengers.

Mario Andretti’s wife, Trixie and I roped together and scaled the cliff to where their “pristine mountain view lots” were located.

Finally tiring of the “fun,” Trixie and I returned to the safety of the old Conestoga and Ol' Dutch was able to change his underwear.

The day not over, we decided to take a drive up toward Creede to look for animals and I quickly volunteered to take “the beast” and do the driving. Nothing like an American built truck with 900 horsepower to give a man a feeling of virility.

Now Ol' Dutch does understand the problems with fracking and drilling and pollution all that entails, but give him some good old foot pounding, roaring power any day over those Japanese egg beaters.