Don't Tie Your Wagon to My Horses

I can recall the early days of Facebook which may date me somewhat but age is just a number, right? Trixie says that in my case it’s a BIG number but what does she know?

Given that women never age past 39, I wonder if they simply skipped learning to count higher than that?  Perhaps that’s why there are so few women in science fields in America. They are just not good at math. But, don’t tell Trixie I said that.

But anyway, Facebook came along and at the time I could not imagine a need for it or how any one person would have that much to say. Again I was reminded by Trixie that “certain people” never seem to shut up. Why she looks at Ol' Dutch when spouting off these seemingly mundane statements is beyond me?

Anywho, some kid named Zuckerberg had come up with this idea whereby people can interact and he becomes an instant bizzillionaire and an instant expert on immigration. Go figure that one out?

My kids were on this new-fangled and so suddenly I found myself -- and seemingly everyone else -- typing away the hours and telling everyone our deepest secrets and desires, publishing poetry and chatting with friends long lost to the annals of time.

It is a great tool and fun to be able to post whatever a person wants but Ol' Zuck started manipulating it for personal gain and the advertisements have become a monster in and of themselves.

I am not sure why he thinks I would want to know about what my name means in Polish or the History of Cats but my page has become a morass of mixed up advertising and invitations from old men for me to play Candy Bomb Alley.

Every foray into my Facebook now has become a contest of deleting My Favorite Cat photos page and Political campaign pages. GET OFF MY PAGE. I didn’t invite you and don’t want to read about you.

The most amazing thing I find is the numbers of people who seem to find it necessary to share a page with their significant other. No longer can I click on Mike to talk to him as it’s now Mike and Susie’s collective page. This really hampers my interaction with old Mike/Susie as I never know if I am going to be talking about fishing or some new curtains seen on Pinterest.

I am not sure why they feel the need to be on one page together other than to save space for the Internet? My niece and her spouse recently co-joined pages and now appear as some kind of weird siamese twins forever linked in romantic embrasure. If I wanted to see that I would watch some lousy Hallmark television movie or visit the local High School parking lot.

Or maybe they are concerned about global warming or cooling -- thank you Al Gore, whichever is the hot ticket for book sales -- and want to save the planet?

Whatever the reasons do us all a favor and separate yourselves, surgically if necessary, and get a life of your own. Trying to talk to Mike through Susie just doesn’t seem the same to me as a one-on-one conversation with the man himself.

Having to wait while Susie shouts my questions over the raging television to Mike and then answer back to me all tainted with her point of view and what she wishes for the next day. This just isn’t the same as when Mike and I planned our escape to a day of fishing in secrecy.

And Ol' Dutch wouldn't have to be inundated with stuff of the female persuasion from Susie or the countless pictures of her cat sleeping in the window.

So if you feel the need to be close to your husband or maybe just keep track of his late night perusing on the Internet, save Ol' Dutch the pain of watching the feminization of his buddy and unfriend me now. And by the way, I like the pink and white chiffon curtains.