Floozy-itis

If you live long enough to see your male friends lose spouses to either death or divorce you will suffer the unending torment of watching them be sucked into the cauldron of repeat matrimonial hardships. I mean a “happy marriage.”

When a woman loses a spouse she tends to gather up her friends and they spend countless hours consoling one another, eating out, shopping and doing things that she could not do while married or, otherwise, called, “having fun.”

Being a pastor's kid I know that some people believe Paradise is a stopping off place just short of Heaven and I liken this post-marriage phase as close to that place for women.

With no man to fiddle with, cook for and clean up after, they are let loose to do what they want when they want. That's not to say they don't miss the old goat, I mean dearly departed husband, but it’s way different from when a man loses his spouse.

Men in general don't have the support group that women have because what man wants to sit around and hear how lonely their buddy is and most men won't admit it and maybe lose their man card.

Some years back Ol' Dutch found himself unceremoniously whacked off the support structure of harmonious matrimonial cohesive indentured servitude and so I can attest to the feelings of despair and loneliness that take hold of a fellow.

Of course in these days with the advent of Match.com and other such sites a person doesn't have to remain single long. There seems to be a line of available women out there that reaches to the moon and back.

The real problem I see with most men is they are in a hurry to replace the old battle ax, I mean loving wife, and they tend to fall for the first floozy that comes along.

For the uninitiated, a floozy is “floo·zy ˈflo͞ozē/ noun informal a girl or a woman who has a reputation for promiscuity.”

Now before all you second-timers get your panties in a bunch let me clarify that not all women out there seeking a divorced or widowed mate are such women. To me being a floozy is someone just looking to hitch themselves up to a matrimonial hitching post to get the old man's money or get a built-in handyman.

But there are more than enough women out there of every persuasion that it takes some mighty close sorting in the corral before you know if your heifer is an easy keeper or not.

Ol' Dutch had his share of experience with women of questionable motives and every time he saw that they were just looking for a home, money and a safety net, he ran like a strip-ped assed ape.

Ofcourse, being so handsome and charming, I was looking at much younger women and they also had what is known as “debt.” This is defined as an accumulation of bills for everything from school loans to pizza charged on credit cards just waiting for some unsuspecting man to come along and pay them off.

My friend recently had this happen to him and I have seen the normally strong, battle-hardened man take orders from the new woman like a recruit in the Marine Corps. Now, he is shopping for her and taking her here-and-there rather than going fishing when he wants. Another one bites the dust.

Now I am not saying she is a floozy as that takes a certain amount of good looks for which she came up more than one fish short on a good stringer. No, this woman is definitely after the old coot’s money and tossed out all the family heirlooms like so much confetti at a Macy's Day Parade.

Now, for me, I thank God every day that I didn't get my own floozy after the divorce. Someone reminded me the other day that I did get Trixie after all but we all know that SHE got ME and I am not a floozy. Well, not yet anyway. But, maybe I should consider it.