Guitars and cauterwauling men

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It is a truth universally acknowledged that as people age and lose their youthful looks they must develop new qualities to ensure their attractiveness to the opposite sex.

Women and men both diet and stay active. And that works for some. Others – especially men --rely on their bank accounts. Now, it is true that having a sizable bank account will make you more desirable, it is also true it seems to be the key ingredient for short marriages and multiple divorces.

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Armchair Olympians

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This week finds most of us watching the Olympic Games being held in Sochi, Russia. For those of you who don't know where that is, it is at the proverbial end of the earth – or, at least, you can see it from there.

While the media does its best to concentrate on the athletes, the real news out of that area is the number of empty seats in the Olympic venues, non-working toilets, athletes having to smash through doors and packs of roaming dogs.

Even in the midst of difficulties, the Olympic Games go on and athletes from across the globe have gathered to try and win a medal, instant  fame and a lifetime supply of Wheaties cereal.

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A mind is a terrible thing

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Having been single just a short while before discovering Trixie, I nonetheless perfected passive living --- life without agendas or expectations.

Men generally go along day-to-day with nary a care except for the immediate task at hand. Women on the other hand have this built in Tickler file system that tracks everything to be done for not only that day but years ahead too. They also have an uncanny ability to file away past experiences for quick reference should they need it.

This comes in handy for them when discussing something we men forgot to do or some faux pas we committed in the past. The things that we men have long forgotten are somehow kept in amazing detail in the female brain.

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Where's my Moo Cow Milk?

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Having exhausted my milk supply, Trixie and I headed up to a local gourmet store to get some more. Entering the store, a glazed look came over Trixie's face as she saw the most wondrous display of delicacies since leaving California and she disappeared like Black Beard on a treasure hunt.

Left to my own devices, I went to find what I came for, thereby reaffirming the notion that men go to buy and women to shop. Being a man, I had to ask a young clerk where I would find the milk, to which she replied, “What kind of milk do you want?”

I could not imagine what she was talking about. I just wanted the standard White Moo Cow Milk. She led me to the dairy case where my senses were overwhelmed by what I saw.

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Class Reunion Lacking in Class

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This time of year brings an avalanche of reunion invitations, usually from bored old classmates intent on bringing together friends and enemies from past school years. 

For some it’s a time to go and brag about all of their accomplishments but for others it only brings back all the fears and shortcomings they may have felt in their formative years.

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Character is lacking

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It seems like in the last few years, there has been an increase in the numbers of people both in public and private life who lack what we used to call “character.” It is defined as “the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual.”

Traveling across the great USA, I have noticed another kind of “character” that seems to be prevalent wherever you may go, though.

I think referring to a slightly eccentric person as a “character” probably goes back to my grandparents as I recall any time the conversation turned to someone of unusual traits that word was used. I think it’s probably a polite form of someone being called “nuts, crazy, wires crossed, screw loose, touched, batty, different or looney.”

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Raising the syn"tax"

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Even though we have seen the government intrude into many aspects of our lives by taxing us on our “sins” such as alcohol, cigarettes and now of course marijuana use that's not the kind of “syn tax” this column is about.

Over the past 100 years, we have seen the English language evolve into a twisted morass of mixed up phrases and slang that changes so fast, it’s hard to even keep up.

New words come along as fast as new products come to market. Words like hashtag, pixel, iPad and Instagram all have been introduced to us in a rush of products and daily applications.

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The art of doing nothing

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Up until about 1950, both men and women worked so hard there was little free time to be had. When people began to move off the farm en masse, the days of producing their own food and daily chores ceased. Well, at least for the men.

After 30 plus years on the job, I was forced to quit work due to an injury. Unlike most men, since I was divorced and didn't have a wife to drive crazy, I had to become a world renowned expert on “doing nothing” on my own.

My skill in this drives Trixie absolutely nuts as she is the ultimate planner and being a CEO type person, runs a tight ship.

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