The sky is falling

Ol' Dutch has been around long enough to endure about 50 “End of The World” rumors that surface anytime there is a need to enslave more sheeple.

Wild-eyed preachers often have used this ploy to collect more money from gullible parishioners and it works every time with amazing results. Politicians also use this tactic to bleed more money from the peons who truthfully just wish there were no government.

Now Ol Dutch loves to hear what the end timers have to say and poor Trixie just rolls her eyes in disbelief that I would waste my time listening to them. But what does she know anyway? She is too young to remember Sputnik, hiding under our desks from Atom bombs and really has no idea about real fear.

One time I was going through some old books that my grandmother had in storage up in her attic. I found a classic book printed in 1899 with a picture of a Knights Templar-type character on the front. I decided that alone made it mystical and probably held some magical knowledge about the end times.

The author believed that the “End of The World” was just around the corner in 1900. He described how there were cannons of indescribable power and how if all the warships of the day were lined up end to end, they would reach from Nantucket to London. All of these proofs that the end was near because “it couldn't get any worse.”

Since I am somewhat of a connoisseur of end of time theories, I can tell you that some of these people say the dumbest things.

One fellow who sells survival food to all the church folks says in the end times you can trade it for gold, at which juncture he rolls his eyes and slobbers at the mouth.

I am not sure what you are gonna do with gold when there is no food like he predicts but it sells more tubs of dehydrated food to old ladies preparing to live in an apocalyptic world with masses of jewelry adorning sagging necks.

He has sold water filters, water bottles, food, generators, bibles, medical kits, colloidal silver, vitamins, survival homes, backpacks, shovels, rubber boots, enemas, greenhouses, seeds and fertilizer. Most of what he says is probably pretty good fertilizer in and of itself and the rubber boots might just come in handy to be around that preacher.

Another site I was reading about this coming soon event listed new Toyota Trucks for sale as a sponsor. Now I don't know about you but I don't think I will need a truck should the Russians drop the big one on my head.

When I was 5 years old some family friends moved to Phoenix as they were sure that “The Lord” was coming back there. They bought new campers, houses and cars for the occasion and sure they would never have to pay for them when Jesus returned.

So far as I know they all died in the wilderness awaiting His return plus had to pay for their booty as well. God sure messed up on that one I would say.

Speaking of dumb things Ol' Dutch (that sentence structure just didn't come out quite right) heard a guy on the talk radio say “Christians, above anyone else, have a right to enjoy the simple things in life.”

Now I am not sure why Buddhists and Hindis and even Atheists don't have the same rights so can only chalk it up to “dumb” once again.

In September, Ol' Dutch awaited the Blood Moon just “knowing” that it signaled the end of the world. After all, people had said that over and over so I sat anxiously anticipating the end.

I had decided to go out with a bang and on that particular evening, I climbed high up on a mountain to bow hunt so the moon would come up as I walked out. As the large saucer crept up in the sky, I began to think that maybe I had been left behind for the end-times tribulation and might be stuck in a world of blue haired old ladies stocked up with dried cabbage soup and enemas.

Ol' Dutch can almost guarantee if you eat the first you most certainly won’t need the latter. God save us from ourselves.