Flushing Made Me Blush

Now Ol' Dutch has been a few places and along the way had the opportunity to see all kinds of places where people do their duty, therefore, it takes a lot to impress me when faced with communal pots.

The other day I was in a retail store and they had the new-fangled low water flush model and it was so deep you could have raised Koi in it. When I flushed it a sign flashed warning all women and small children to clear the area. A vacuuming sound unlike any I have ever heard emanated from the john and the man next to me almost lost his toupee.

But nothing could prepare me for my trip to Kansas and what I found there. In a small north central Kansas town the people there took it upon themselves to not only have a public restroom downtown but to have THE public restroom of all time.

The town of Lucas is said to be the artsy capital of Kansas with a population around 400 and is home to a tourist hot spot called “The Garden of Eden.” That place alone is enough to scare the pee out of you and hence the need for the restroom downtown.

While perusing the shelves of the grocery store which was so quaint and right out of some old movie set, Trixie and I were told to be sure and see the restroom before we left town.

We looked at one another with what had to be amusement but the kind clerk was so insistent we decided to travel the long block to the other end of Main Street to see it.

Nothing could prepare us for the sight that we beheld. I doubt that the accompanying picture does it justice but you can visit the website and see a potty for yourself in living Technicolor at  www.grassrootsart.net.

The Bowl Plaza has a large cement roll of paper unraveling into the sidewalk leading to the doors and nothing short of Oz can compare to the bedazzling jewels, paraphernalia, model cars, marbles, junk, stuff, and other things covering the walls of the building.

Having taken that first step, we decided to go the whole way, so to speak. Inside, from floor to ceiling is color burst like none you have ever seen. Now you don’t go in a restroom like this without trying it out so even though I had no urge to purge I decided to make a good Kansas try.

The interior was so daunting however that I could never concentrate on my business long enough to get it done and resigned myself to driving all the way back to my dad’s house.

Further detective work revealed that the first flush was auctioned off on eBay and the last I heard that bid was more than $200. Now that’s one expensive flush. I paid a dime once and thought I had been ripped off.

The place was clean enough to eat off the floor and having to make that comparison is enough to make me sick. I am not sure ‘bout the ladies room but from countless trips to men’s rooms across the United States, there is a definite need for target practice among males. How anyone can miss that large of a target in a restroom yet be able to write their name in the snow with the same instrument is beyond me.

I guess there is a World Toilet Day and although Lucas didn’t win first place, it did come in second place in the competition. And that’s something to brag on, I guess.

Regardless of your thoughts about this they are proud as punch of their facility and $100,000 later it’s a wonder to behold. Now if I can just stop ogling the ceiling and get down to business.