Living Online

Even though I am a big fan of smart phones, I do see that they have added more complexity to people’s lives. Studies show that we are all becoming more and more stressed due to the fact that we cannot get away from being constantly “on.”

I can recall being on vacation and having to find a pay phone to call my employer to see how things were going. Even in daily life, time in the car meant “alone time” when traveling to job locations because no one was constantly ringing your cellphone to ask for favors.

Some people have actually solved this problem by doing what is called “turning off their phone.” I know, crazy, right? No matter where you go you see people basically married to that pocket communicator and even on dates people will sit there and text who-knows-whom while their date does the same.

Ol' Dutch is about as bad as the next in this regard and I am starting to be a tad concerned that I have caught the dreaded “text” disease. Every ding or vibration of my phone has me reaching for that tool of the Devil to see who had a birthday, what politician lied now, who got shot, what kid needs money or Trixie's latest instructions.

The latter is the worst as I used to be able to say I didn’t hear her or remember her instructions but now she has legal proof that she sent them to me via text.

Don’t get me wrong, there are wonderful advantages to having these new-fangled contraptions such as being able to see the granddaughters pet the cows, do a dance recital, sing a song or pick their nose. Well, most of it’s good.

One thing that has come to Ol' Dutch of late is the advent of online surveys. If you have not gotten into this aspect of modern connectivity then let me take a few moments to explain.

Someone, somewhere will decide that they need a sampling of Americana and will offer to pay any qualifying online idiot to fill out a survey. This can be anything from soup to nuts and includes political choices, food shopping trends, new car buying decisions, health care insurance questions and about anything you can dream up.

I am not sure where they get their money but just this past week a crisp new $2 bill came in the mail for about five minutes of my time. That would translate into about $24 an hour and that ain’t chicken feed in anyone’s books. Another survey soon arrived and I now have another $5 coming in the mail.

At the rate these invites are escalating I soon will be on my way to making real money on the Internet from the comfort of my recliner. No more will I have to hustle and compete in the real world for dollars as I can just wait for it to come to me in my post office box.

Now you may assert that this is not “real” money. But, let me remind you, all businesses take a while to build up and I am working on this on a daily basis by surfing the Web for more opportunities to voice my valued opinion.

Since Ol' Dutch spent his entire life providing for a spouse and kids, he never did get to have a good boat. But now I can see that with just a little bit of work that dream may now be a reality.

My brother-in-law just bought a new boat and it was somewhere in the $22,000 range so taking that price into consideration Ol' Dutch only needs 6,286 more surveys to get that new boat.

I will have to up the rate of survey taking however to make this work because at the current survey payment schedule it’s going to take me about 120 years to save up enough to make a trip to Bass Pro Shops. I am not sure even they will go that long on payments?

 

Sounds of Silence

Ol' Dutch has suffered many a year with a hearing loss and it’s a quiet world where I live.

Doctors have told me that people who suffer from such a malady can get it a myriad ways. They say it can be anything from shooting guns, loud music, loud industry sounds, train whistles or any other loud noises.

Now Ol' Dutch worked on the railroad for many a eon and some people would say it was all those train whistles across 2.3 million miles riding a train, but, I have found the real source of hearing loss among men. Marriage.

No matter what married couple I talk to it seems I get the same story from the woman of the relationship about how the man either cannot hear or maybe chooses not to. My not so lovely ex used to say I had selective hearing and maybe there was some truth to that as it kept me from hearing too much from her.

I am around a lot of people in the RV parks who have been married 40, 50 and even 60  years and they all tell the same story. Old John just cannot hear Joanne and so she ends up taking care of a lot of details for him since John didn’t want to do them anyway. There is the truth that Old John could hear just fine before he got married so there has to be some correlation there.

Several weeks ago my good friend Susie Q gave me a hearing aid. Now Ol' Dutch has been approached many a time to buy one but being part Scotch I realized that I could buy a boat or new gun for that kind of money so I suffered in silence. And the fish, elk, deer and bear could care less if I can hear or not so it’s a win-win deal.

Perhaps that kind of silence is what people really need to find, anyway. You see if a person only hears half of what it going on around them life is really twice as good.

You only hear half of the insults people may throw your way, half of the news which is mostly bad, half of the complaints of those around you and half of the requests for favors from your friends and neighbors.

When a person stops to think about it, this is a great way to reduce the stresses in life by -- you guessed it -- half.

Suddenly, long winded sermons become bearable, kids who are crying don't drive you up the wall, dogs barking next door are not a problem, politicians don't seem half bad, spouses become bearable and friends’ requests for a loan are magically reduced in number as you just don't hear them.

Why just last night Trixie and Ol' Dutch were up on a mountain bear hunting and on the way out in the darkness night, Trixie kept whispering something about a “tree.” Now I didn't want to spoil it for her and tell her I have seen trees before thereby lording it over her so I just smiled and kept walking.

Little did I know that “tree” was really “pee” and she about wet her pants before we got to the truck. So there are downsides at least for Trixie living with the hard of hearing but that is her cross to bear for choosing someone as good as me.

After all who else would take her on a date bear hunting over a dead elk carcass in the woods on such a gorgeous evening? She ain't gonna get that in California with her fancy friends, no sirree Bob.

That kind of thing only comes about from true love. She did remark that the forest was full of Gremlins and eerie sounds as we walked out in the dark which is EXACTLY why Ol' Dutch prefers to live in silence.

No telling how many bears have almost eaten me or Bigfoots have tried to abduct me but Ol' Dutch just walks along in silent ignorance of the ghouls around me, happy as a pig in a mudhole.